Sometimes I feel like I have no business writing. I have seen so little, my experiences are few. There seems to be little within me worth inscribing. But, I must write, so write I do . Most of my writing is private, but when I go to write a blog, I feel different. I am writing for an audience, a small audience, maybe, but I feel I need to make these words worth reading. So without further ado...


I am tired of living life so fakely.

I want to hold beliefs, fight for causes, make my fragile existence worth something. But, I don't know what, or how, or anything. There is so much messed up with this world.

I was listening to some ladies talk the other day about the wedding they were planning. Frankly, their talk disgusted me. Not that I have anything against marriage, but the flamboyancy of a modern wedding is appalling. People spend thousands, tens of thousands of dollars on a ceremony. You might say "Well, getting married is a special occasion and I spend so much because it's so important." But did you ever think that surviving just one more day is a special occasion to the starving and the homeless who could be helped with just a fraction of the money you are spending on that RIDICULOUS gown that you will wear ONCE?

I am such a hypocrite. I wish I could just pour out my life and resources on those who need it more. But, no, I spend my money and my time on doing whatever makes me comfortable. I don't know how to help, I don't know where to start. But I do know one thing, I will not accumulate an excess of material things. I don't believe in hoarding treasures on earth, I don't believe in having "nice things" for the sake of having "nice things". I can't believe that, not when the homeless of America are actually a good deal better off than most of Africa.

Can we not see our absurd excess? We are fat, obese on consumerism. It is such a tragedy that I can walk through a supermarket and be affronted by several different brands of bottled water to buy when people are DYING from lack of ANY drinkable water.

We are so sheltered, so blind. But I'm tired of looking the other way. My heart aches for the world, and it aches for the numbness of this Western culture. God, please show me how to be a beacon of hope and give me the chance to use the blessing of being in a prosperous nation to pour out on those less fortunate.