Why do I insist on living my life as if Christ does not have any influence over me?

My eyes need to opened, so very badly.

Today, I chose to make Him the center of my life. I want to walk confidently in His grace, knowing that He holds my heart. I want to live my life unafraid of commitment to His ways.

We have learned to run from pain, to run from anything relatively uncomfortable.
Some of us chose, instead, to run headfirst into pain, like we have something to prove.

But, there is a different way.

Let's just run. Run as if pain doesn't exist, like it holds no power over you. Your feet are unshackled, run!

I've been planning, scheming, whatever you want to call it.

I'm tired of rambling haphazardly through life, with no specific purpose or meaning. I was brought up to believe that every person has a purpose, something that gives their life meaning. The Bible even mentions that without vision, the people perish. I have had no vision, my eyes were firmly fixed to the ground. But, I've begun to raise them bit by bit and look ahead into the future God has planned for me if I just trust him.

Basically, I want to help the broken, heal the hurting, show people there is a better way than pain. I want people to know that they have worth. I want to tell people all the things I wish people would have told me. I want to spread light into darkness.

I am seriously praying and considering going back to school for counseling. I'm looking into programs and options, and plan on taking this year and seeing if that's what I really need to do. It might seem like I've been wasting time, but I haven't. I've gone around in a lot of circles, sure, but it has lead me to make some serious decisions, one of which is to make 2009 count.

I don't want this year to be a waste. I want to live and learn and grow as a person and spiritually. I want to explore new horizons, and make amazing life changes. Then, next year, maybe I'll embark on a career path. Or maybe God has something else in store.

No matter what... BRING IT!

Can we just hold on
One moment longer
I'm not ready to let go
I have dreamed of this day
Now the time comes
I am unprepared
I am afraid

A New Year
Leaving the old behind
Time reigns supreme
We cannot stop it
The new comes
The old fades
I am now ready
I do not fear