" I'm watching the green give into gold, as summer becomes October's cold"

*title from The Afters "Summer Again". I recommend that everyone listen to it!

I'm having a crazy time right now, settling it. It's so bizarre, everything that's going on. I still can't believe that I actually moved from Indiana, and somehow landed in this amazing situation. And it's not the easiest thing I've ever done, but things had to change. I had to change, I have to continue to change, I have to grow and move and create and experience new and hard things. Life is about a journey, the destination is somewhat important, but what really matters is that we take each moment for what it is and make the most of it. And we will be held responsible for what we do with those moments; our stewardship of our time will be the greatest test of our character.

i've been thinking about life in general, my life in specific. i'm slowly, gradually learning the things that are important to me, the things i want to invest my time in. i'm trying to line those things up with what god values as important, hopefully my thinking is becoming more like his. the shortness and frailty of life is an ever-present reality, one that gets lost in the endless television commercials and long work days.

one thing is for sure, however, the more i change the more i realize that my life isn't about me. and the more i start to live my life for other people, the more i feel content with myself. it seems a backward contradiction, but maybe that's why the kingdom of god is considered an upside-down system, where the losers win and those who give it all away gain it all in the end. and i would rather be the lowliest of low now to be held in esteem by the father of the heavens for all eternity.


i'm pretty sure i posted this poem last fall, but who cares, it's still great:

to stand(alone)in some

autumnal afternoon:
breathing a fatal
stillness;while

enormous this how

patient creature(who’s
never by never robbed of
day)puts always on by always

dream,is to

taste
not(beyond
death and

life)imaginable mysteries

(ee cummings)