there is no victory without purity

I was listening to Jason Upton the other day. I had actually quite forgotten about him, I'm afraid. But I came across some CDs of his I have, and I was very glad I had found them. In one of his songs, he starts singing about how there is no victory without purity.

i started to roll that around in my head a bit. it seems like no one talks about purity anymore, and if you do you are a religious fundamentalist, a pharisee, "holier than thou", or amish. and truthfully, i think that's awful.

obtaining purity has been stripped down to not much more than a list of dos and don'ts by western Christianity. and there's been a lot of contemporary teaching on getting rid of that list, about how god loves us despite what we do or don't do. and that is so true. in fact, that's the only way to look at it.

but it doesn't stop there.

in the dictionary, purity is defined as the state of being pure. pure is defined as " unmixed with any other matter", and "free from what vitiates, weakens, or pollutes" among other similar definitions.

the first definition illustrates the heart of god, i think. purity is a natural result of a true relationship with jesus. when you let his love consume you, you will not want to be mixed with any other matter. and god is jealous over our hearts, as we grow with him he will strip away all that is not of him and bring us to a state of purity. search his word, ask him to speak to you. he will guide you to purity. religion can't accomplish that. all religion can do is try to tell what is right and what is wrong, but there is no substitute for the gentle guiding and refining from a god who loves you.

the second definition explains the why of purity. the things that are not of the lord weaken us! pollute us! they make us ineffective (vitiate). it's not that god is mean, and he wants us to conform to some arbitrary standard of conduct he conjured up from the sky or else bad things will happen. he designed us and created us for him and he knows that the things that are not of him will destroy us in time. and he loves us too much to let that happen.

search my heart, oh god. bring me to a place of purity before you.

"Blessed is the man who walks not in the counsel of the wicked, nor stands in the way of sinners, nor sits in the seat of scoffers; but his delight is in the law of the LORD, and on his law he meditates day and night. He is like a tree planted by streams of water..."
(Psalm 1 v 1-3)

"church shopping": third time's a charm

three sundays, three different churches. and i think that ended today.

i decided to go to gospel lighthouse church today, thanks to my boss, david, running into the associate pastor at walmart. the associate pastor and his wife used to work for david a few years back and although joel is only 22 he is now the associate pastor of an assembly of god church in hudson falls. his wife brittany is 20. david was talking to them, catching up, at walmart and they were talking about their church and david instantly thought of me.

so i went.

you see, the past couple of churches i've gone to, people weren't, well, very friendly. i tried to smile and make small talk with people, but it didn't go over that great. here, a lady greeted me in the parking lot. the pastor introduced himself. they had a period in the middle of the service where you're supposed to go around and greet your neighbor and all that, and i met so many people, it was insane.

and it wasn't like some places, where people are nice to you just because they want something from you (like a church membership). they were just genuinely nice, which for new york is pretty amazing. i met brittany, and we hit it off from the start. she's like me, looking for people close to her age to connect to, looking for some friends. i was invited to the ladies' ministry pasta dinner tonight, i actually just came back from that. i chatted with brittany and a few of the other ladies, i felt really welcome and really at home.

and the best part? these people are serious about god. that's why they are there. they honestly believe jesus when he said to love the lord god with all your heart and to love your neighbor as yourself. the pastor spoke about love today. how it's an action, how we have to move and sacrifice ourselves and realize our lives are about other people. and he meant it. he's trying to live it, encouraging others to do the same.

so thank you god, for leading me here. thank you god for new friends. thank you god, just for being you.

god should mean more than your workout routine

i like to exercise. i try to go run two or three times a week. i say i like to exercise, but the truth is, i do it more because i feel it's good for me and i enjoy the benefits of it than i do for the sheer joy of crawling out of bed on a cold morning and forcing my legs to move. i do it, then forget about it. besides the health benefits, it has no effect on my daily life except for the sometimes i have to re-arrange my schedule slightly to squeeze it in.

granted, i know there are people who are passionate about running. it's their passion, they love it and they do center their lives around it. that's great. i'm talking about the other 95% of us, who exercise because we have to, because we feel like it's a good thing to do, because we think it'll improve our life or something.

now, i've been church shopping and i've not really found a place i want to commit to going. but, i have come to the realization that most people treat church like a workout routine. they squeeze it in sunday mornings, pop their daily prayer and bible reading like vitamins and then forget about it. they do it to improve their lifestyle, to make them look good, to make them feel good.

unfortunately, i want more than that. i don't want god to "improve" my lifestyle, i want a lifestyle that is centered around god. that is about god and not me. not about me feeling good or looking good but about him feeling good and looking good.

maybe that's not possible to find in churches now, i don't know. all i know is that we can't compartmentalize god. he doesn't want to be penciled in, he wants all of your day.

and on a side note, the church i went to on sunday played a collection of taylor swift, beyonce, sara bereilles and kanye west in the lobby before service! and after the worship songs, the team played "apologize" by one republic! i was kind of shocked, to say the least. shouldn't god be honored in our music, ESPECIALLY at church?

" I'm watching the green give into gold, as summer becomes October's cold"

*title from The Afters "Summer Again". I recommend that everyone listen to it!

I'm having a crazy time right now, settling it. It's so bizarre, everything that's going on. I still can't believe that I actually moved from Indiana, and somehow landed in this amazing situation. And it's not the easiest thing I've ever done, but things had to change. I had to change, I have to continue to change, I have to grow and move and create and experience new and hard things. Life is about a journey, the destination is somewhat important, but what really matters is that we take each moment for what it is and make the most of it. And we will be held responsible for what we do with those moments; our stewardship of our time will be the greatest test of our character.

i've been thinking about life in general, my life in specific. i'm slowly, gradually learning the things that are important to me, the things i want to invest my time in. i'm trying to line those things up with what god values as important, hopefully my thinking is becoming more like his. the shortness and frailty of life is an ever-present reality, one that gets lost in the endless television commercials and long work days.

one thing is for sure, however, the more i change the more i realize that my life isn't about me. and the more i start to live my life for other people, the more i feel content with myself. it seems a backward contradiction, but maybe that's why the kingdom of god is considered an upside-down system, where the losers win and those who give it all away gain it all in the end. and i would rather be the lowliest of low now to be held in esteem by the father of the heavens for all eternity.


i'm pretty sure i posted this poem last fall, but who cares, it's still great:

to stand(alone)in some

autumnal afternoon:
breathing a fatal
stillness;while

enormous this how

patient creature(who’s
never by never robbed of
day)puts always on by always

dream,is to

taste
not(beyond
death and

life)imaginable mysteries

(ee cummings)